I inhale deeply as I gaze at an image I see every day, except today I am not looking at it, I am looking past it. Daydreaming, thinking really. As the days pass I have constant thoughts of overthinking taking over my brain. I no longer have the clear thoughts I once had. I am overlooking things I once saw so simple and I am overwhelmed of things that haven’t happened yet.
I remember staring off from a mountain top not so long ago and I can picture it now, shifting my focus from the river to the city. Thinking of how small everything below me was, thinking of the length I’ve traveled and the satisfaction of it all. Then empting my mind and thinking of nothing at all. It was a time when things seemed much simpler when I look back at it, although in my mind then, things didn’t seem simple at all. My mind was learning how to be free. A concept most of us go on living without.
I clear my mind now as I exhale, clearing it back to where it was then. Except this time realizing that I am happier, here and now. My mind should be the most clear because everything I wanted then, I have now. That today’s problems, don’t have to be problems. They are only on my mind because I am thinking about them. Which sounds silly, but overthinking about them doesn’t make them better.
Instead I now think of the good things, the great times and the best memories. Then I think of what’s happening now, not this week, not this month, but right now. I look down from my porch’s view onto my lap to see my daughter staring up at me. Her tiny newborn body lying in my arms and I take in the entire moment. Her small fingers and toes learning how to move, her eyes filled with curiosity and she’s studying every inch of my skin. I wonder what’s going on in her mind, as she wonders about mine. In this moment I think of nothing but her as she fills my heart with joy and I forget about the rest because when I am here, I am on my mountain top.